WTF!
by cczipz
Summary: There were so many crossovers in this fic that I didn't even bother...It was serious..then went downhill towards weirdville lol


**REALLY REALLY RANDOM**

**  
**The constant ticking of a clock in the dark room bounced off the wooden walls. Fayt stared at the object projecting the noise, and waited in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"Thank you for waiting Leingod."

Fayt slowly turned to a young male with a pair of mismatched eyes. Artemis Fowl the second stood before him tall and strong. Business first, was one of Artemis's mottos. "Mr. Leingod," He started, and then sighed, "Can we not be formal?" Fayt's face was emotionless, "You know I don't mind."  
Artemis looked at his friend cautiously; he acted strangely ever since he left Elicoor.

Or rather since that day that they were all still together, the hot-headed Atsuma, the cryptic Fayt and the genius Artemis Fowl.

"_You're all just WEAPONS!" The man spat angrily, his words like venom, seeking and destroying.  
"Y-You're wrong." Atsuma muttered, Artemis just stared with cold eyes.  
"You're kidding me?! Atsuma your arm was, and probably still is a weapon! Fayt was an experiment! A human manifestation of a weapon!" The man slowly turned to Artemis, "What about you Artemis? Holly got your tongue?" _

_He was antagonizing them. This man, who knew too much about them, was trying to hit their weaknesses. It was working. _

"_You son of a bitch!" Fayt screamed uncharacteristically, he then pulled out his sword and ran at the man._

"_Wait! Fayt!" Jak yelled, Link shook his head and sighed. Atsuma ran after him, but was too slow. Fayt had joyfully used his sword to rip the flesh off the guy's chest. Blood splattered everywhere; Fayt's eyes went black along with his heart, his blue hair stained red by the blood of his victim. "FAYT!" Atsuma called from afar, as he ran up to Fayt, the bluenette, currently a red head, lifted his victims head in the air with a wicked smile. The Ex-Hero licked his lips mischievously, taunting anyone to fuck with him. He held the man's head in the air, it was neatly sliced, and blood was everywhere. Atsuma's eyes betrayed his sadness, "Fayt . . . " _

Fayt grimaced at the memory and looked in the mirror. His hair was still as red as it was that day. His eyes were still black. Leingod looked down at his clothing. Strangely he was used to wearing nothing but a zip-up blue and white hoodie, undershirt, ragged jeans and black tennis shoes. Artemis looked at his friend from a distance, sitting in a designer chair. The genius entangled his fingers together and laid his head on them. "We need to discuss your attitude towards . . . life itself."

Fayt was as emotionless as a rock. Unless you were one of those people who thought rocks had feelings, then he would be as emotionless as a . . . I don't know think of something!  
Anyway, Artemis continued to talk to the non-responding hero. "Speak to me."  
The man's dark black eyes betrayed his void heart. What was the point in speaking?  
Atsuma busted into the room, "Fayt! I'm sick of seeing you like this!"  
Fayt then stood up and took his leave, leaving a confused Atsuma at his wake.

"Again he doesn't speak." Artemis said slowly, his friend has been like this for more than a month since the incident. This wasn't getting any better with time.  
"Artemis. Don't you think that . . . maybe something's missing in his life?"  
Artemis was still in thought, "His hair and eyes are completely—"  
"FOWL!"  
". . . I beg your pardon?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kill . . ." The blue haired boy whispered as he silently stalked in the woods. He made no sound, so that he could hear everything around him. A trick Zelpher taught him.

His weapon was nothing but a bat, which he was currently dragging on the ground. Which strangely, didn't make noise.

He stopped when he heard footsteps hurry through the forest. Like a fast and suitable ninja, Fayt ran at the noise.

He stopped dead in his tracks when he stumbled upon a weird blonde haired girl. With a cowboy . . .hat?  
"Yuki the golem. . ." She panted, "Hunter . . . best. . ."  
He watched a huge monster-like thing go bye and her effort to catch it.  
She wasn't worth his time. But he lifted the bat anyway. Yuki, sensing the killer instinct stopped and started at him, she pulled out her guns and pointed them at Fayt. "Try me."  
"OOF!"  
Fayt watched Cliff Fittir scream victoriously and howl in the wind. "C-Cliff?" Fayt asked questionably.  
A white wolf zoomed by Cliff with a girl ontop. "What the hell?"  
Cliff ran over to Fayt on all fours and hopped around him like a dog.  
Fayt raised his nice, long, steel bat in the air. A huge grin covered his face.

------

"_AS I SAID—" _Atsuma started and Artemis grabbed his laptop and swiftly typed away. Frustrated, the hot-blooded teen grabbed the nearest object, which was a swordfish, and threw it at Fowl.  
Fowl dodged and landed on his bed. "Listen to me!" Atsuma whined and crawled up into a ball.

_Meanwhile_

"Who are you and why do you look like Cliff?" Fayt yelled at the man pointing a gun to his forehead.  
"Leon S. Kennedy." Leon's blue eyes were as emotionless as Fayt's.  
Cliff was panted like a dog and gnawing on Leon's leg. "Get OFF!"  
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."  
_---------------------------------------------

"ALBEL!" A subordinate screamed and shook the body. "MAGGOT!" Albel yelled and slashed a hole through the poor man. He still lived. "Sir, Nel Zelpher wants you!"  
Albel, thinking the complete and utter wrong way, sickly reworded that sentence.

He ripped off his clothes and ran out the door.  
_______________________________________________________

"SHIT!" Leon screamed and stomped at the zombies. Henry Townshend shrugged, somehow, Fayt and everybody stumbled into a weird hole in the forest and popped up in 'The Room' as Henry would call it.  
"BARK BARK BARK." Cliff screamed at the zombies and went quite when he saw a head float by the window.

There was no water.  
They were on the third floor.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cliff broke out in a fit of rage and fear and punched the zombie with all his might. It crashed to the next room, which was Eileen's, and she quietly stared at everyone.

The zombie moaned.

"Artemis!!!!"  
Artemis was consumed in his laptop.  
"Holly Short is gay for Opal!"  
Artemis's head shot up, "WHAT?!"  
Atsuma smirked.  
_MEANWHILE~  
_Holly Short sneezed. She was flying at the time and lost control. She went spiraling down.

And died.

.Heh.

No going back in time for this one, Fowl. Now you're stuck with Minerva.

Artemis: "WHAT?! I'll kill whoever wrote this-this—"  
Me: "Deal with it."  
Artemis: ***CRIES*** "SO CRUEL!"  
Me: "Fine, Not dead unconscious."  
I scratch the word died and added 'was unconscious' and sighed.

And died was unconscious.

--------------------

Eileen was still stunned at the huge hole in the wall. She quickly turned to the her front door—

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She screamed and suddenly chains and locks identical to Henry's door appeared. She clawed at the door.  
Henry looked shocked, ".Hell?"

Fayt rolled his eyes and stared at the zombie. "Is anyone going to pick that thing up?"  
"Haunting are hauntings." Leon stated.  
".Hell?" Henry said once more.

Cliff stood up and humped on Eileen. Eileen screeched and clawed at the door until her fingers bled. The zombie then bit off her fingers.

"..Hell?"  
Fayt groaned, he was stuck with idiots.

__________________________________________________  
"Holly?" Artemis spoke with a weird and caring voice.  
"Artemis?" She spoke softly, pain filled her body.  
"YOU CRASHED THREW MY CEILING!" Artemis screamed.  
"Uncaring as always!" Atsuma said laughing.  
Minerva then swooped into Artemis's house on a vine and rolled dramatically.  
"I am the MARY-SUE."  
"Bullshit."  
"No. Actually I think she is." Holly said irritably, "But you weren't in the Time Paradox! Hah! Minerva ain't got nothin' on me!"  
Holly did a dance.

----------

Albel jumped at Nel Zelpher who was uninviting. "Albel why are you—"

She jump kicked his ass into a suit of armor.  
Maria popped a head in and screamed, "KEEP IT DOWN!"  
"Sorry honey!" Nel called back.  
Albel stared with huge eyes. "Your-Your-Your—"  
"A lesbian?"  
Albel's mouth dropped.  
"I get that a lot."  
Albel fainted.

---------

Fayt screamed like a little girl and jumped on the counter pointing at the slippers that were walking by themselves. Blood foot prints.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!"  
Henry screamed, "AGAIN? WHAT THE HELL?" He magically pulled out a candle and a medallion and stuck it near the shoes.

It still walked.

"What the hell?"  
Leon stared at the arrangement. "Maybe you did it wrong?"  
Blood starting oozing from the peep-hole. Eileen with no fingers looked out and saw a dead like person.  
A dead person with no eyes saying 'Help me'.  
She fainted. And Cliff still humped her.  
Fayt grabbed a broom and poked her from a reasonable distance. "What's going on?!"  
Henry looked up and saw the zombie go for Eileen. Cliff barked and the zombie screamed.

----------

Nel stared at the unconscious naked Albel. "Maria come look!!!!"  
Maria stumbled in the room, "THIS BETTER Be…."  
She stared at the man.  
"He has a super small penis."  
Nel burst into laughter, "Just what I was thinking!"  
"Can he even stick that into a vagina??" Maria laughed hysterically.  
Tynave and Farleen were incredibly drunk at the time….  
Nel spotted the two and walked over. "Do you know why I called you here?"  
Nel crossed her arms.  
Tyanave stared, "Look, it was late, I was drunk, and I thought it was a dude—"  
Farleen grabbed Maria's breasts. "Man, Lady Nel's got way more than this!"  
Nel snickered at her drunken comrades and the ran to an open window.

Nel and Maria were like: O_O?

And then the two flashed anyone gazing at the window.

--------------------------

Henry stared at Fayt.  
Fayt stared at Henry.  
"There are babies screaming on the wall…." Fayt mumbled and pointed towards the HUGE annoyance.  
"The…hell?"  
Frustrated, Fayt screamed, "IS THAT ALL YOU FUCKIN SAY?!?!?!?!?!"  
Henry was taken aback! He grabbed his gun and shot himself.

"Henry?"  
Cliff barked. Fayt turned and saw Eileen get up. Eileen walked over to Henry and said, "Henry are you alright?"  
No response.  
Fayt snickered.  
"Henry are you alright?"  
Fayt sighed.  
"Henry are you alright?!?!"  
"IS THIS SOME AUTOMATIC RESPONSE?!" Fayt accused.  
Eileen screamed at Fayt with incoherent words.  
Henry got up and walked into the bathroom.

_________________________________________________________________________  
The Queen of Aquaria was VERY angry with her agents.  
Farleen and Tynave stood before her.  
"You should be ASHAMED!"  
A guy from love and college *A MANGA* came and skidded across the floor.

His name was Hachibe Maeda, a 15 year old teenager who idolizes women's individual parts.  
"You have my IDEAL bullet-train breasts!" Hachibe said joyfully and jumped at Farleen.  
Tynave shrugged.

"WHY?!" Leon yelled at god. Somehow he was outside of the room. But still in a weird creepy apartment building. And weird ghosts and dogs were chasing him. He ran down a flight of stairs. Past some weird guy in a bloody rain-coat.  
Leon turned, he held a doll.

The agent continued. Then he ended up in a subway. A girl with long black hair crawled at him. "THE GRUDGE!" He screeched, grabbed his shotgun and shot.

Too bad it was Cynthia. Who was a hell of a lot worse.

_____________________________________________________________________________  
Eileen stared at the mirror and sighed. She looked bad. She then turned and turned on the water to the bathtub and stared to bath.  
Her mouth was slowly starting to be ripped open. With her own hands.  
Screaming.

--------------------------------

Fayt stared at the television with rings around his eyes. The zombie was moaning and groaning near the door way. Henry was gone. Leon was gone. Eileen was screaming.

Screaming….

Fayt ignored it and watched the fuzzy television. A woman appeared on the screen. A bug landed on her head. Fayt reached over and smashed it.  
"HEY!" The woman screamed.  
"Dude. Freakin sweet. Seven days early!" Fayt said and pulled her into the room.  
The girl from the ring smiled and reached out to Fayt. Fayt stared at her, "LOOK AROUND YOU!"  
She did.  
Bloody shoes.

Another Zombie.  
Screaming.  
Babies screaming.  
Hole threw wall.  
A man was barking and running in circles.

Ring girl: O_O  
Fayt: LOL

"W-W-W-What?! I want my _well_!" She dove back into the television. Fayt pulled her back.

"You're not going anywhere."

Ring girl: **Strangles me**  
Fayt: *Punches her in da face**  
Me: Heh. Heh. Heh.

---------  
"Artemis…"  
"Atsuma…"  
Holly groaned loudly and shot at Minerva. "SCREW MORALS!"  
Minerva dodged and yelled, "I am a GENIUS!"  
"Houston, I think we have a problem." Artemis said sadly.  
"….My name's Atsuma."

"What do you do to prove your not gay?" Mirage asked Nel, which was highly inappropriate. "Fuck a guy."She said hands on her hips.  
"Who?" Mirage questioned.  
"I don't know. Cliff?"  
"PERFECT!"

Mirage ran off. "Where did she come from?"  
Albel walked into the room, stark-naked. "Nel! I love you!"  
Nel pulled out her daggers. "One more step towards me, SmallPenis, and I'll chop it off."  
He stepped near her.

.....She chopped it off........

-----

Eileen's head was currently ripped apart. Well, her jaw was like, off. And she was bathing in a pool of blood.  
Meanwhile, Fayt and the girl from the ring played board games.


End file.
